WTFWidow is a brutally honest blog about losing my husband. There may be multiple triggers – so please proceed with care. It won’t be all doom – my husband would not be happy if I didn’t have some light. It was who he was – happy and fun and full of love and joy. He was generous and supportive and touched many people. He lived a full life and would want me to move on, but this is my truth.

My name is Anne & I lost my husband, Marlon on 10/08/2021.

This is my journey.

You know the woman you see in the ICU being given bad news on all the TV shows? That was me. When I left him at the emergency room in September, I had to be escorted out because I wouldn’t leave. When I got the call that I need to get to the hospital immediately three weeks later – I was broken – all I knew was I was going to lose my best friend – my soulmate. I clearly remember being doubled over in the middle of the ICU hallway because my heart was broken – I couldn’t breathe – I couldn’t talk. The images I have in my brain and tattooed on my heart are not something I will ever share.

I don’t care what people think – it wasn’t like the movies – he struggled – he fought the nurses to the end. I know he didn’t want to leave me but he didn’t leave me a choice – damn living wills. I did have the final say and I made that choice – alone. I know I’m not the only one who has had this struggle but this is my hell. Right or wrong, I believe it’s partially my fault he is not here.

Try and live with that without losing your mind.

If you are here, then you are probably hurting and trying to find a place where you fit. What you won’t see here are “thoughts and prayers” or “my husband has wings” or “He’s in a better place”. I don’t find comfort in those words and neither did Marlon.

I’m betting most of this site will piss you off but parts may make you smile. That is what I want – for just one person to say – Dammit she’s right. This sucks but I can do this.

Me, I will question every day if I made the right choice.